Those Lacking Brains ~ Kingdom Hearts Badfics

Take a Trip to Glorious Not-Nihon

2017-12-19T00:34:48Z

Posted by: thelectureroom

Title: Met you there
Author: StellarMage99
Rating: Four. It’s baffling (oh so very baffling) but inoffensive and short.
Full Name (including any titles): Axel/Lea (as we need to constantly be reminded), Xion gets to be Number XIV all the time, plus the “Key of Light,Bringer of Oblivion”.
Full Species(es): Confused humans. Oh wait, that’s just me.
Hair Color (include adjectives): Ebony.
Eye Color (include adjectives): Cerulean blue and something about a diamond sky in the mix.
Unusual Markings/Colorations/Physical Features: Xion has pretty skin on a pretty face that makes her very pretty.
Special Possessions (if any): Skateboarding skillz and some weird LGBTA opinions that the characters hold.

Origin: The universe of Bumfuck is back at it again.
Connections To Canon Characters: A programming malfunction.
Special Abilities: Fire immunity.
Other Annoying Traits: The inability to English.

I Say/Notes: We were going to put the Lecture Room on hiatus for a bit, but then we happened upon this… thing that could loosely be called ‘a story’. I really don’t know what this is, but I read it so you have to now too!

There's still things to like here; I can admit to being interested in where all this is going and the whole thing has a breathless enthusiasm to it that I find adorable. But all that doesn't make up for what's lacking in the basic storytelling aspects you should have when presenting to an audience. Like, for example, paragraph indentures or coherent introductions or how to create a backstory that wouldn’t make CLAMP say “Whoa, maybe you should tone that tragedy back a bit, buddy, this is getting a bit unrealistic.”

( In which we think up various ideas on what COULD be happening but never figure out what is ACTUALLY happening. )
A note of mild importance: In the time between first reading this and editing for posting, the author has rewritten the first chapter. The changes were mild so I didn't think it was worth the time of hunting through page source to copy-paste again, and there's a part of me that likes how you can see the differences here. Just felt this was all worth a mention in the off chance anyone clicks on that link and gets confused as to why they're reading words that weren't there before.

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Daughter of Underrealized Crossovers

2016-11-24T21:35:49Z

Posted by: thelectureroom

Title: Kingdom Hearts Story of Evil
Author: WolfHearts14
Rating: Two would normally cover the beige prose, improper punctuation, and bland emotions, but the last chapter alone warrants another point to cover plain ol’ nonsense.
Full Name (including any titles): Zexia (Member #XV, the Rose of the Prince)
Full Species(es): Royal twins, then Nobodies… or replicas… or reborn souls… or something.
Hair Color (include adjectives): Slate-blue, later long black (then back again).
Eye Color (include adjectives): Sapphire-blue, later black (and back again!).
Unusual Markings/Colorations/Physical Features: The ability to change yourself through the POWER OF SONG sure counts.
Special Possessions (if any): A horse, a jewel-encrusted dagger, and the most over-the-top Nobody weapon I think I’ll ever see. There’s no concise way to describe that thing.

Origin: Reincarnated Vocaloids.
Connections To Canon Characters: Drank a magical potion. No, really, that’s this fic’s excuse for tying this into game continuity.
Special Abilities: Poor memory, it seems.
Other Annoying Traits: The usual fangirl treatment of Zexion (meaning they make him into whatever they want), aside from that everyone’s too boring to be annoying. Even when inside character's thoughts they don't have much personality or insight.

I Say/Notes: Technically speaking this is a crossover but you don’t need to know the original content to follow this story. (Actually, knowing the original somehow causes this all to make less sense.) You may miss a few Vocaloid references but aside from that this fic has plenty of its own original silliness to still be entertaining.

( In which a fic starts okay but then ends up bonkers. OH WELL! )

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The Next Disney Princess [END]

2016-10-09T20:23:45Z

Posted by: thelectureroom

Title: Meeting the Princess
Author: Michigo Sinister
Rating: A lot to be desired in the writing, but overall it’s fine.
Full Name (including any titles): Princess Yakumo.
Full Species(es): Reincarnated goddess, I guess?
Hair Color (include adjectives): Long red hair.
Eye Color (include adjectives): Brown.
Unusual Markings/Colorations/Physical Features: Usually none, but can activate fairy wings mode.
Special Possessions (if any): Magical animal sidekick that does indeed become a possession at one point.

Origin: Lots of all-nighters spent marathoning favourite anime series.
Connections To Canon Characters: Becomes friends. We’re okay with that.
Special Abilities: Fire, flying, healing.
Other Annoying Traits: Learning new abilities instantaneously.

I Say/Notes: Sorry for the long wait. This has been the year of us getting sick, apparently. We'll make up for the downtime with another spork coming soon. (Happy Thanksgiving to any fellow Canadians.)

Part one is here and part two is here.

( In which Yakumo finally lets others take center stage and this is actually a downside to the whole story. )

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Roxas the Bicycle (Part One)

2016-07-20T02:54:22Z

Posted by: verus_lux

Title: Too Hard

Author: carnivalparade

Rating: One for the OOC, one for the rampant incest and underage sex, and one for, of course, once again high school AU hell. It might have gotten four for the sheer WTFery, but the grammar’s actually pretty good.

Full Name (including any titles): Roxas, Axel, Riku, Sora, and others I imagine.

Full Species(es): Sluttus Nobodius, and its lesser cousin, Sluttus Keywielderus.

Hair Color (include adjectives): As canon.

Eye Color (include adjectives): As canon.

Unusual Markings/Colorations/Physical Features: Nothing of note.

Special Possessions (if any): Lots of sex and drugs, but no rock and roll.

Origin: A porn dungeon, apparently.

Connections To Canon Characters: Fucked them in the night and left them in a cheap motel room.

Special Abilities: The magical ability to be attractive to literally an entire high school, apparently.

Other Annoying Traits: what is even happening.

I Say/Notes: *defibrillates comm* I wasn’t going to spork it, honestly, but...the author just got so arrogant I had to. I actually recruited a friend for this -- you can thank them for Aqua, Roxas, and Riku’s dialogue.

Sample:

( Read more... )

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The next Disney princess [PART TWO]

2016-04-04T23:25:56Z

Posted by: thelectureroom

Title: Meeting the Princess
Author: Michigo Sinister
Rating: A lot to be desired in the writing, but overall it’s fine.
Full Name (including any titles): Princess Yakumo.
Full Species(es): Reincarnated goddess, I guess?
Hair Color (include adjectives): Long red hair.
Eye Color (include adjectives): Brown.
Unusual Markings/Colorations/Physical Features: Usually none, but can activate fairy wings mode.
Special Possessions (if any): Magical animal sidekick that does indeed become a possession at one point.

Origin: Lots of all-nighters spent marathoning favourite anime series.
Connections To Canon Characters: Becomes friends. We’re okay with that.
Special Abilities: Fire, flying, healing.
Other Annoying Traits: Learning new abilities instantaneously.

I Say/Notes:

( In which we visit game worlds in a KH fic OHMAHGAWD CAN IT BE TRUE?! )

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The next Disney princess [PART ONE]

2016-03-21T18:30:23Z

Posted by: thelectureroom

Title: Meeting the Princess
Author: Michigo Sinister
Rating: A lot to be desired in the writing, but overall it’s fine.
Full Name (including any titles): Princess Yakumo.
Full Species(es): Reincarnated goddess, I guess?
Hair Color (include adjectives): Long red hair.
Eye Color (include adjectives): Brown.
Unusual Markings/Colorations/Physical Features: Usually none, but can activate fairy wings mode.
Special Possessions (if any): Magical animal sidekick that does indeed become a possession at one point.

Origin: Lots of all-nighters spent marathoning favourite anime series.
Connections To Canon Characters: Becomes friends. We’re okay with that.
Special Abilities: Fire, flying, healing.
Other Annoying Traits: Learning new abilities instantaneously.

I Say/Notes: This fic is like a litmus test for badfics— Mary Sue clichés, crossovers with author’s favourite shows, stilted prose— but it’s too innocent to get annoyed at. I want to hug this fic, it’s like a precious child.
( In which we enjoy innocent badfic )

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Our Sporking Magnum Opus [FINAL 1/2]

2015-12-01T04:46:18Z

Posted by: thelectureroom

(I'm pretty sure you all have this spiel memorized by now.)

I Say/Notes: The end is finally here... and it got so long we overshot dreamwidth's post limit and had to break the finale into two parts, like we're any recent movie-based-on-best-selling-book-series. Yes, this fic is so bad it has forced us to become the fad we hate.

Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
Part Five
Part Six
Part Seven
Part Eight
Part Nine
Part Ten
Part Eleven
Part Twelve
Part Thirteen
Part Fourteen
( The worst muse suggests (to the surprise of no one): There's no better way to emphasize the tragedy of a young woman's untimely death then lovingly describing how hot her corpse is. )

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Our Sporking Magnum Opus [PART FOURTEEN]

2015-10-29T21:03:55Z

Posted by: thelectureroom

Title: The Nobody Virus
Author: hajikurazaki19 and DeadShut
Rating: One for the terrible-and-we-mean-Terrible writing, one for the horribly boring characters, one for the sexism (OMIGAWD THE SEXISM), one for the needless and graphic violence, and one just to let you know that this entire fic is devoid of any entertainment value whatsoever. You have been warned.
Full Name (including any titles): Ryan “Roxas” Hall, Sora O’Reily. (There's a million more, but they're not worth remembering.)
Full Species(es): Scum of the earth.
Hair Color (include adjectives): The quick summary for this part is to say that sometimes hair is same as canon, sometimes it’s something entirely different. There is never any good reason for either.
Eye Color (include adjectives): The most memorable colour is green. Why is it memorable? You’ll see.
Unusual Markings/Colorations/Physical Features: *shrugs*
Special Possessions (if any): Sora has a fancy stick masquerading as the Keyblade in one pocket and seemingly an Idiot Ball in the other, because incompetence like his has to be in tangible form. The story itself also has a weird love/hate relationship with Italy.

Origin: Frank Miller’s Guide to Fanfiction (with a foreword by Alan Moore)
Connections To Canon Characters: Stole their names. And then killed them to hide the evidence.
Special Abilities: Hallucinating others into believing anyone's had character development or changed in any way whatsoever.
Other Annoying Traits: Let’s save you some time and compress the answer down to “Everything not mentioned above.”

I Say/Notes: We're at the second-to-last part, so let's make sure to give the most useless subplot in all of fiction's history its deserved spotlight.

Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
Part Five
Part Six
Part Seven
Part Eight
Part Nine
Part Ten
Part Eleven
Part Twelve
Part Thirteen
( The worst muse suggests: Are you sure it's clear what happened last chapter? Maybe you should stage a conversation where your protagonist can recap it in detail. )

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Our Sporking Magnum Opus [PART THIRTEEN]

2015-10-03T03:33:35Z

Posted by: thelectureroom

Title: The Nobody Virus
Author: hajikurazaki19 and DeadShut
Rating: One for the terrible-and-we-mean-Terrible writing, one for the horribly boring characters, one for the sexism (OMIGAWD THE SEXISM), one for the needless and graphic violence, and one just to let you know that this entire fic is devoid of any entertainment value whatsoever. You have been warned.
Full Name (including any titles): Ryan “Roxas” Hall, Sora O’Reily. (There's a million more, but they're not worth remembering.)
Full Species(es): Scum of the earth.
Hair Color (include adjectives): The quick summary for this part is to say that sometimes hair is same as canon, sometimes it’s something entirely different. There is never any good reason for either.
Eye Color (include adjectives): The most memorable colour is green. Why is it memorable? You’ll see.
Unusual Markings/Colorations/Physical Features: *shrugs*
Special Possessions (if any): Sora has a fancy stick masquerading as the Keyblade in one pocket and seemingly an Idiot Ball in the other, because incompetence like his has to be in tangible form. The story itself also has a weird love/hate relationship with Italy.

Origin: Frank Miller’s Guide to Fanfiction (with a foreword by Alan Moore)
Connections To Canon Characters: Stole their names. And then killed them to hide the evidence.
Special Abilities: Hallucinating others into believing anyone's had character development or changed in any way whatsoever.
Other Annoying Traits: Let’s save you some time and compress the answer down to “Everything not mentioned above.”

I Say/Notes: How does this story manage to keep getting worse?

Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
Part Five
Part Six
Part Seven
Part Eight
Part Nine
Part Ten
Part Eleven
Part Twelve

( The worst muse suggests: If you get stuck, just kill a character. If you get really stuck kill them all. )

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Our Sporking Magnum Opus [PART TWELVE]

2015-09-22T01:53:50Z

Posted by: thelectureroom

Title: The Nobody Virus
Author: hajikurazaki19 and DeadShut
Rating: One for the terrible-and-we-mean-Terrible writing, one for the horribly boring characters, one for the sexism (OMIGAWD THE SEXISM), one for the needless and graphic violence, and one just to let you know that this entire fic is devoid of any entertainment value whatsoever. You have been warned.
Full Name (including any titles): Ryan “Roxas” Hall, Sora O’Reily. (There's a million more, but they're not worth remembering.)
Full Species(es): Scum of the earth.
Hair Color (include adjectives): The quick summary for this part is to say that sometimes hair is same as canon, sometimes it’s something entirely different. There is never any good reason for either.
Eye Color (include adjectives): The most memorable colour is green. Why is it memorable? You’ll see.
Unusual Markings/Colorations/Physical Features: *shrugs*
Special Possessions (if any): Sora has a fancy stick masquerading as the Keyblade in one pocket and seemingly an Idiot Ball in the other, because incompetence like his has to be in tangible form. The story itself also has a weird love/hate relationship with Italy.

Origin: Frank Miller’s Guide to Fanfiction (with a foreword by Alan Moore)
Connections To Canon Characters: Stole their names. And then killed them to hide the evidence.
Special Abilities: Hallucinating others into believing anyone's had character development or changed in any way whatsoever.
Other Annoying Traits: Let’s save you some time and compress the answer down to “Everything not mentioned above.”

I Say/Notes: If you just keep telling yourself "Only three more parts", you might survive...

Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
Part Five
Part Six
Part Seven
Part Eight
Part Nine
Part Ten
Part Eleven

( The worst muse suggests: What do you MEAN your protag's parents are still alive? Do I need to do EVERYTHING for you? )

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Our Sporking Magnum Opus [PART ELEVEN]

2015-09-06T00:30:29Z

Posted by: thelectureroom

Title: The Nobody Virus
Author: hajikurazaki19 and DeadShut
Rating: One for the terrible-and-we-mean-Terrible writing, one for the horribly boring characters, one for the sexism (OMIGAWD THE SEXISM), one for the needless and graphic violence, and one just to let you know that this entire fic is devoid of any entertainment value whatsoever. You have been warned.
Full Name (including any titles): Ryan “Roxas” Hall, Sora O’Reily. (There's a million more, but they're not worth remembering.)
Full Species(es): Scum of the earth.
Hair Color (include adjectives): The quick summary for this part is to say that sometimes hair is same as canon, sometimes it’s something entirely different. There is never any good reason for either.
Eye Color (include adjectives): The most memorable colour is green. Why is it memorable? You’ll see.
Unusual Markings/Colorations/Physical Features: *shrugs*
Special Possessions (if any): Sora has a fancy stick masquerading as the Keyblade in one pocket and seemingly an Idiot Ball in the other, because incompetence like his has to be in tangible form. The story itself also has a weird love/hate relationship with Italy.

Origin: Frank Miller’s Guide to Fanfiction (with a foreword by Alan Moore)
Connections To Canon Characters: Stole their names. And then killed them to hide the evidence.
Special Abilities: Hallucinating others into believing anyone's had character development or changed in any way whatsoever.
Other Annoying Traits: Let’s save you some time and compress the answer down to “Everything not mentioned above.”

I Say/Notes: Well, that took a while. On the bright side, this is personally one of our favourite sections of the whole spork.

Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
Part Five
Part Six
Part Seven
Part Eight
Part Nine
Part Ten

( The worst muse suggests: Go ahead. Spell out that accent phonetically. )

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Our Sporking Magnum Opus [PART TEN]

2015-08-04T03:51:23Z

Posted by: thelectureroom

Title: The Nobody Virus
Author: hajikurazaki19 and DeadShut
Rating: One for the terrible-and-we-mean-Terrible writing, one for the horribly boring characters, one for the sexism (OMIGAWD THE SEXISM), one for the needless and graphic violence, and one just to let you know that this entire fic is devoid of any entertainment value whatsoever. You have been warned.
Full Name (including any titles): Ryan “Roxas” Hall, Sora O’Reily. (There's a million more, but they're not worth remembering.)
Full Species(es): Scum of the earth.
Hair Color (include adjectives): The quick summary for this part is to say that sometimes hair is same as canon, sometimes it’s something entirely different. There is never any good reason for either.
Eye Color (include adjectives): The most memorable colour is green. Why is it memorable? You’ll see.
Unusual Markings/Colorations/Physical Features: *shrugs*
Special Possessions (if any): Sora has a fancy stick masquerading as the Keyblade in one pocket and seemingly an Idiot Ball in the other, because incompetence like his has to be in tangible form. The story itself also has a weird love/hate relationship with Italy.

Origin: Frank Miller’s Guide to Fanfiction (with a foreword by Alan Moore)
Connections To Canon Characters: Stole their names. And then killed them to hide the evidence.
Special Abilities: Hallucinating others into believing anyone's had character development or changed in any way whatsoever.
Other Annoying Traits: Let’s save you some time and compress the answer down to “Everything not mentioned above.”

I Say/Notes:

Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
Part Five
Part Six
Part Seven
Part Eight
Part Nine

( The worst muse suggests: That 'said' looks awful lonely. Maybe you should give it an adverb friend. Maybe you should give them ALL adverb friends. )

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Our Sporking Magnum Opus [PART NINE]

2015-07-25T21:20:01Z

Posted by: thelectureroom

Title: The Nobody Virus
Author: hajikurazaki19 and DeadShut
Rating: One for the terrible-and-we-mean-Terrible writing, one for the horribly boring characters, one for the sexism (OMIGAWD THE SEXISM), one for the needless and graphic violence, and one just to let you know that this entire fic is devoid of any entertainment value whatsoever. You have been warned.
Full Name (including any titles): Ryan “Roxas” Hall, Sora O’Reily. (There's a million more, but they're not worth remembering.)
Full Species(es): Scum of the earth.
Hair Color (include adjectives): The quick summary for this part is to say that sometimes hair is same as canon, sometimes it’s something entirely different. There is never any good reason for either.
Eye Color (include adjectives): The most memorable colour is green. Why is it memorable? You’ll see.
Unusual Markings/Colorations/Physical Features: *shrugs*
Special Possessions (if any): Sora has a fancy stick masquerading as the Keyblade in one pocket and seemingly an Idiot Ball in the other, because incompetence like his has to be in tangible form. The story itself also has a weird love/hate relationship with Italy.

Origin: Frank Miller’s Guide to Fanfiction (with a foreword by Alan Moore)
Connections To Canon Characters: Stole their names. And then killed them to hide the evidence.
Special Abilities: Hallucinating others into believing anyone's had character development or changed in any way whatsoever.
Other Annoying Traits: Let’s save you some time and compress the answer down to “Everything not mentioned above.”

I Say/Notes:

Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
Part Five
Part Six
Part Seven
Part Eight

( We have no worst muse suggestions for this one, so enjoy this instead: There's a number of vague days for Sora's vacation when terrorists came along and it ended/ So the continual problem for this piece of fiction is finding new ways to ex-paaand iiit.../ LIKE! MAY! BE!/ Killing your friendships/ or finding your mommy, or making up some alien power (do do do do!)/ Writing something that's really sexist (yay)/ or giving a monkey a shower!/ (THAT! LINE'S! AWE! SOME!)/ Stereotyping gays/ Destroying tourist spots/ Or locating Ryan Hall's brain (it was never!)/ Misspelling many words/ needs moar adult content/ to drive the readers a-waaay (rhyming this!)/ As you can see there's a whole lot of stuff to read and we'll have to nitpick it all (not unfairly)/ Believe it or not the order of this song made some unmentionable~/ Now we give up cuz syllables are short and we couldn't fit in them aaall!/ Mo-om! Phineas and Ferb were referenced in an MST! (Done!) )

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Our Sporking Magnum Opus [PART EIGHT]

2015-07-17T20:37:25Z

Posted by: thelectureroom

Title: The Nobody Virus
Author: hajikurazaki19 and DeadShut
Rating: One for the terrible-and-we-mean-Terrible writing, one for the horribly boring characters, one for the sexism (OMIGAWD THE SEXISM), one for the needless and graphic violence, and one just to let you know that this entire fic is devoid of any entertainment value whatsoever. You have been warned.
Full Name (including any titles): Ryan “Roxas” Hall, Sora O’Reily. (There's a million more, but they're not worth remembering.)
Full Species(es): Scum of the earth.
Hair Color (include adjectives): The quick summary for this part is to say that sometimes hair is same as canon, sometimes it’s something entirely different. There is never any good reason for either.
Eye Color (include adjectives): The most memorable colour is green. Why is it memorable? You’ll see.
Unusual Markings/Colorations/Physical Features: *shrugs*
Special Possessions (if any): Sora has a fancy stick masquerading as the Keyblade in one pocket and seemingly an Idiot Ball in the other, because incompetence like his has to be in tangible form. The story itself also has a weird love/hate relationship with Italy.

Origin: Frank Miller’s Guide to Fanfiction (with a foreword by Alan Moore)
Connections To Canon Characters: Stole their names. And then killed them to hide the evidence.
Special Abilities: Hallucinating others into believing anyone's had character development or changed in any way whatsoever.
Other Annoying Traits: Let’s save you some time and compress the answer down to “Everything not mentioned above.”

I Say/Notes:

Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
Part Five
Part Six
Part Seven

WARNING FOR domestic abuse. Because we all know everyone wants to read more violence against women, there wasn't enough already.
( The worst muse suggests: It doesn't really count as exposition if a character is just reminiscing. )

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Our Sporking Magnum Opus [PART SEVEN]

2015-07-09T20:59:57Z

Posted by: thelectureroom

Title: The Nobody Virus
Author: hajikurazaki19 and DeadShut
Rating: One for the terrible-and-we-mean-Terrible writing, one for the horribly boring characters, one for the sexism (OMIGAWD THE SEXISM), one for the needless and graphic violence, and one just to let you know that this entire fic is devoid of any entertainment value whatsoever. You have been warned.
Full Name (including any titles): Ryan “Roxas” Hall, Sora O’Reily. (There's a million more, but they're not worth remembering.)
Full Species(es): Scum of the earth.
Hair Color (include adjectives): The quick summary for this part is to say that sometimes hair is same as canon, sometimes it’s something entirely different. There is never any good reason for either.
Eye Color (include adjectives): The most memorable colour is green. Why is it memorable? You’ll see.
Unusual Markings/Colorations/Physical Features: *shrugs*
Special Possessions (if any): Sora has a fancy stick masquerading as the Keyblade in one pocket and seemingly an Idiot Ball in the other, because incompetence like his has to be in tangible form. The story itself also has a weird love/hate relationship with Italy.

Origin: Frank Miller’s Guide to Fanfiction (with a foreword by Alan Moore)
Connections To Canon Characters: Stole their names. And then killed them to hide the evidence.
Special Abilities: Hallucinating others into believing anyone's had character development or changed in any way whatsoever.
Other Annoying Traits: Let’s save you some time and compress the answer down to “Everything not mentioned above.”

I Say/Notes:

Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
Part Five
Part Six

WARNING FOR more violence against women yaaaaaay. Also, more sexual assault, this time with an adult woman trying to get it on with an underage boy.

( The worst muse suggests: Platonic friendship between men and women? Psh, no one would believe THAT. )

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Our Sporking Magnum Opus [PART SIX]

2015-07-06T00:45:03Z

Posted by: thelectureroom

Title: The Nobody Virus
Author: hajikurazaki19 and DeadShut
Rating: One for the terrible-and-we-mean-Terrible writing, one for the horribly boring characters, one for the sexism (OMIGAWD THE SEXISM), one for the needless and graphic violence, and one just to let you know that this entire fic is devoid of any entertainment value whatsoever. You have been warned.
Full Name (including any titles): Ryan “Roxas” Hall, Sora O’Reily. (There's a million more, but they're not worth remembering.)
Full Species(es): Scum of the earth.
Hair Color (include adjectives): The quick summary for this part is to say that sometimes hair is same as canon, sometimes it’s something entirely different. There is never any good reason for either.
Eye Color (include adjectives): The most memorable colour is green. Why is it memorable? You’ll see.
Unusual Markings/Colorations/Physical Features: *shrugs*
Special Possessions (if any): Sora has a fancy stick masquerading as the Keyblade in one pocket and seemingly an Idiot Ball in the other, because incompetence like his has to be in tangible form. The story itself also has a weird love/hate relationship with Italy.

Origin: Frank Miller’s Guide to Fanfiction (with a foreword by Alan Moore)
Connections To Canon Characters: Stole their names. And then killed them to hide the evidence.
Special Abilities: Hallucinating others into believing anyone's had character development or changed in any way whatsoever.
Other Annoying Traits: Let’s save you some time and compress the answer down to “Everything not mentioned above.”

I Say/Notes:

Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
Part Five

WARNING FOR oh look it's the fic trying to justify writing about abuse towards women.

( The worst muse suggests: Now is the perfect point in the story for a 2000-word ideological manifesto from your thinly veiled fictional stand-in. )

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Our Sporking Magnum Opus [PART FIVE]

2015-07-01T00:59:13Z

Posted by: thelectureroom

Title: The Nobody Virus
Author: hajikurazaki19 and DeadShut
Rating: One for the terrible-and-we-mean-Terrible writing, one for the horribly boring characters, one for the sexism (OMIGAWD THE SEXISM), one for the needless and graphic violence, and one just to let you know that this entire fic is devoid of any entertainment value whatsoever. You have been warned.
Full Name (including any titles): Ryan “Roxas” Hall, Sora O’Reily. (There's a million more, but they're not worth remembering.)
Full Species(es): Scum of the earth.
Hair Color (include adjectives): The quick summary for this part is to say that sometimes hair is same as canon, sometimes it’s something entirely different. There is never any good reason for either.
Eye Color (include adjectives): The most memorable colour is green. Why is it memorable? You’ll see.
Unusual Markings/Colorations/Physical Features: *shrugs*
Special Possessions (if any): Sora has a fancy stick masquerading as the Keyblade in one pocket and seemingly an Idiot Ball in the other, because incompetence like his has to be in tangible form. The story itself also has a weird love/hate relationship with Italy.

Origin: Frank Miller’s Guide to Fanfiction (with a foreword by Alan Moore)
Connections To Canon Characters: Stole their names. And then killed them to hide the evidence.
Special Abilities: Hallucinating others into believing anyone's had character development or changed in any way whatsoever.
Other Annoying Traits: Let’s save you some time and compress the answer down to “Everything not mentioned above.”

I Say/Notes:

Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
( This part's short, so no worst muse quotes today. Instead we'll take the time to apologize for having to rely so much on referential humour... except for the FRIENDS quotes, those we're not ashamed of. I like to imagine I'm annoying this fic, that tries too hard to be Dark and Edgy NYC, by constantly saying it reminds me of a cheesy 90's sitcom. )

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Our Sporking Magnum Opus [PART FOUR]

2015-06-26T03:31:17Z

Our Sporking Magnum Opus [PART THREE]

2015-06-24T18:48:02Z

Posted by: thelectureroom

Title: The Nobody Virus
Author: hajikurazaki19 and DeadShut
Rating: One for the terrible-and-we-mean-Terrible writing, one for the horribly boring characters, one for the sexism (OMIGAWD THE SEXISM), one for the needless and graphic violence, and one just to let you know that this entire fic is devoid of any entertainment value whatsoever. You have been warned.
Full Name (including any titles): Ryan “Roxas” Hall, Sora O’Reily. (There's a million more, but they're not worth remembering.)
Full Species(es): Scum of the earth.
Hair Color (include adjectives): The quick summary for this part is to say that sometimes hair is same as canon, sometimes it’s something entirely different. There is never any good reason for either.
Eye Color (include adjectives): The most memorable colour is green. Why is it memorable? You’ll see.
Unusual Markings/Colorations/Physical Features: *shrugs*
Special Possessions (if any): Sora has a fancy stick masquerading as the Keyblade in one pocket and seemingly an Idiot Ball in the other, because incompetence like his has to be in tangible form. The story itself also has a weird love/hate relationship with Italy.

Origin: Frank Miller’s Guide to Fanfiction (with a foreword by Alan Moore)
Connections To Canon Characters: Stole their names. And then killed them to hide the evidence.
Special Abilities: Hallucinating others into believing anyone's had character development or changed in any way whatsoever.
Other Annoying Traits: Let’s save you some time and compress the answer down to “Everything not mentioned above.”

I Say/Notes: And here’s where the fun finally begins.

Part One
Part Two

WARNING FOR graphic description of rape.
( The worst muse (obviously) suggests: Yes, a graphic rape is DEFINITELY what your story needs to establish itself as Mature and Literary. Good call, there. )

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Our Sporking Magnum Opus [PART TWO]

2015-06-19T16:47:34Z

Our Sporking Magnum Opus [Part One]

2015-06-17T02:09:17Z

Posted by: thelectureroom

Title: The Nobody Virus
Author: hajikurazaki19 and DeadShut
Rating: One for the terrible-and-we-mean-Terrible writing, one for the horribly boring characters, one for the sexism (OMIGAWD THE SEXISM), one for the needless and graphic violence, and one just to let you know that this entire fic is devoid of any entertainment value whatsoever. You have been warned.
Full Name (including any titles): Ryan “Roxas” Hall, Sora O’Reily. (There's a million more, but they're not worth remembering.)
Full Species(es): Scum of the earth.
Hair Color (include adjectives): The quick summary for this part is to say that sometimes hair is same as canon, sometimes it’s something entirely different. There is never any good reason for either.
Eye Color (include adjectives): The most memorable colour is green. Why is it memorable? You’ll see.
Unusual Markings/Colorations/Physical Features: *shrugs*
Special Possessions (if any): Sora has a fancy stick masquerading as the Keyblade in one pocket and seemingly an Idiot Ball in the other, because incompetence like his has to be in tangible form. The story itself also has a weird love/hate relationship with Italy.

Origin: Frank Miller’s Guide to Fanfiction (with a foreword by Alan Moore)
Connections To Canon Characters: Stole their names. And then killed them to hide the evidence.
Special Abilities: Hallucinating others into believing anyone's had character development or changed in any way whatsoever.
Other Annoying Traits: Let’s save you some time and compress the answer down to “Everything not mentioned above.”

I Say/Notes: And here it finally is, one of the first fics we ever lined up when starting this blog. Definitely one of the dreariest and narcissistic stories we've had the displeasure of reading and most definitely what put the 'lecture' in 'Lecture Room'. Imagine, if you will, if someone took all the convoluted storylines, unanswered plot threads, and retcons of the KH games, shoved it through a syphon that sucked out all the charm and endearing characters, and sprinkled a shallow examination of world problems on top. That's this fic and it's as much as a mess as you'd expect.

Generalized warning: this fic contains descriptions of violence and blood, gendered and homophobic slurs, as well as plenty of misogynist content we'll specifically warn for in the future parts (before we started cutting out those scenes entirely because we literally had nothing to say to them anymore).

( The worst muse suggests: If you make the kid the Chosen Hero, you can totally bypass any other character development! )

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Too Many Question Marks [END]

2015-02-17T02:36:39Z

Posted by: thelectureroom

Title: The Vampire’s Target
Author: Skelli W
Rating: The world-building is weak, but that's about the worst of it.

Full Name (including any titles): Vampire prince and princess (later queen) Hakirna, surnames like Gremik and Breaks, also a girl named Hazel.
Full Species(es): VAMPIYAS! Maybe. The details are a bit fuzzy.
Hair Color (include adjectives): Green pigtails.
Eye Color (include adjectives): Electric blue and OMG GREEN!
Unusual Markings/Colorations/Physical Features: A vampire seal that daylights as an awesome tattoo.
Special Possessions (if any): A whole arsenal of monster hunting items that will be used all of once before they're forgotten. Oh yeah, and chicken suit. Don't ask.

Origin: We'd assume inspiration from lots of vampire themed movies or anime. We are sadly lacking in references for this one.
Connections To Canon Characters: Filled out a Halloween themed Mad Libs.
Special Abilities: Keyblades (somehow).
Other Annoying Traits: Not wanting to move to Venezuela apparently.

I Say/Notes: Happy New Year, everyone! We hope 2015 brings your happiness and good fics. Or at the very least naïve, harmless ones like this.

There’s a special something happening in the Lecture Room soon…

( In which events somehow manage to make even less sense than before. It’s a fitting end. )

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In which we wangst over Santa Claus. {First spork!}

2015-02-05T15:39:58Z

Posted by: wonderland_peanut_gallery

EDIT: Changed Larxene's text to a darker color, thanks Anon~! <3

*peeps in, little wave* Hello!

After lurking and laughing for so many years, I finally decided to join the fun and write my own KH sporking to send over for the comm! I hope it's good enough :'D

Title: Merry Christmas Demyx
Author: dreamninja (FF.net)
Rating: Geez, where to begin? The beigest of beige prose, lack of punctuation, defying Santa Claus’ canon existence in the KH ‘verse, OOC so severe it’s laughable, surprise!Leonard Cohen songfic… Thankfully, it’s short.

Full Name (including any titles): Larxene and Demyx, with appearances from Axel, Xigbar and Luxord.
Full Species(es): Nobody and Nobody, with appearances from Nobody, Nobody and Nobody.
Hair Color (include adjectives): As canon
Eye Color (include adjectives): As canon
Unusual Markings/Colorations/Physical Features: A lack of Santa Claus
Special Possessions (if any): Christmas wishlists, the lyrics to Leonard Cohen’s ‘Hallelujah’, playing cards, and new sitar strings.

Origin: Holiday glurge gone wrong
Connections To Canon Characters: A bunch of kids below ten cosplaying them
Special Abilities: They can talk to each other without punctuation marks!
Other Annoying Traits: Demyx is a five-year-old trapped in a twenty-something’s body, Larxene’s Larxene-ness is significantly lacking, the sudden and not at all appropriate appearance of Leonard Cohen’s ‘Hallelujah’ (because who in the heck thinks that being told Santa doesn’t exist merits that, of all things?), THE LACK OF PUNCTUATION AAAARGH.

I Say/Notes: I admit: I ship Demyx/Larxene. ~~Don’t judge me.~~ It’s my Kingdom Hearts OTP, always has been and always will be. I like to think that, if in the hands of a good author, they’d have an interesting dynamic, like say as two adults who pretty much hate each other’s guts yet somehow find common ground occasionally, and are aware that they’re both pretty horrible people but just shrug it off and have some weird, twisted rapport with each other every now and then. Or at least, that’s how I’d see it. ~~*coughandhotfrenemysmuttoocough*~~

I’ve recently fallen back into the fandom and along with it I’ve fallen back with these two as well; and for laughs and profit I decided to see if there were badfics for the pairing (aside from the one thelectureroom covered last time, that one was pretty bad but quality sporking!), considering how rare it is. And of course, FF.net doesn’t disappoint. *sigh*

Though, I have to ask… Why are people so fond of making Demyx a giant toddler? Sure he’s a lazybones who complains about work a lot, and no doubt he’s had a good deal of immature moments (as twenty-somethings do), but I don’t think he’d break down and cry over being told that Santa Claus isn’t real. (Which doesn’t make sense in the first place since Santa Claus does exist in the KH ‘verse; you’d think the Organization would know this.) Larxene herself is way too tame for comfort here, too.

Also, it’s February.

Please forgive me if my characterization’s not the best ~~and if my shipper streak’s become too blatant :P~~, it’s been a while since I’ve played the games and I still have a lot of catching up to do.

(Also, there seems to be some font issue somewhere in the middle of the fic; I'm not sure how to fix it. DX)

( Christmas badfic in February? You betcha! )

~~Someone please rec me good DemLarx after this ;___;~~

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Too Many Question Marks [PART TWO]

2015-01-10T00:32:22Z

Posted by: thelectureroom

Title: The Vampire’s Target
Author: Skelli W
Rating: The world-building is weak, but that's about the worst of it.

Full Name (including any titles): Vampire prince and princess (later queen) Hakirna, surnames like Gremik and Breaks, also a girl named Hazel.
Full Species(es): VAMPIYAS! Maybe. The details are a bit fuzzy.
Hair Color (include adjectives): Green pigtails.
Eye Color (include adjectives): Electric blue and OMG GREEN!
Unusual Markings/Colorations/Physical Features: A vampire seal that daylights as an awesome tattoo.
Special Possessions (if any): A whole arsenal of monster hunting items that will be used all of once before they're forgotten. Oh yeah, and chicken suit. Don't ask.

Origin: We'd assume inspiration from lots of vampire themed movies or anime. We are sadly lacking in references for this one.
Connections To Canon Characters: Filled out a Halloween themed Mad Libs.
Special Abilities: Keyblades (somehow).
Other Annoying Traits: Not wanting to move to Venezuela apparently.

I Say/Notes: Happy New Year, everyone! We hope 2015 brings your happiness and good fics. Or at the very least naïve, harmless ones like this.

Content warning: Talk of suicide in this part. It’s brief, but I was genuinely annoyed to see this topic used so abruptly in a story that didn’t warrant it, so I feel a warning is needed.

( In which some vampires finally do vampire things in this vampire story. Also, MERMAIDS! )

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Too Many Question Marks [PART ONE]

2014-12-13T00:19:36Z

Posted by: thelectureroom

Title: The Vampire’s Target
Author: Skelli W
Rating: The world-building is weak, but that's about the worst of it.

Full Name (including any titles): Vampire prince and princess (later queen) Hakirna, surnames like Gremik and Breaks, also a girl named Hazel.
Full Species(es): VAMPIYAS! Maybe. The details are a bit fuzzy.
Hair Color (include adjectives): Green pigtails.
Eye Color (include adjectives): Electric blue and OMG GREEN!
Unusual Markings/Colorations/Physical Features: A vampire seal that daylights as an awesome tattoo.
Special Possessions (if any): A whole arsenal of monster hunting items that will be used all of once before they're forgotten. Oh yeah, and chicken suit. Don't ask.

Origin: We'd assume inspiration from lots of vampire themed movies or anime. We are sadly lacking in references for this one.
Connections To Canon Characters: Filled out a Halloween themed Mad Libs.
Special Abilities: Keyblades (somehow).
Other Annoying Traits: Not wanting to move to Venezuela apparently.

I Say/Notes: Happy Halloween… more than a month late. I’ll just say “It’s always Halloween in our hearts” for an excuse to post this, and to use this special Mog icon made for the occasion.

As for the fic itself, I just want to note that the author does say it's their first, and honestly with that in mind it's actully pretty good. Hell, compared to most of the fics we've done it's good. You can tell someone had fun writing it and I totally had fun reading it, and that's all I really need from a fic these days.

( In which we have a boarding school AU with vampires and never found an appropriate spot to reference The Moth Diaries... )

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